Monday, June 05, 2006
and so!like ive so much to let out but i dont know where to start!!!!!
last couple of weeks have been like sword after sword stabbing my heart..getting reminded to pull up my socks so that i can touch my dreams.maybe i should really start reading 'The Barbarian Way' book again to keep my world intact or something..and now im just having a great big massive headache, sick, annoyed, on the verge of tears anytime, cramps , dance to worry about and to top it all off..i got a major brief due on wednesday.oh dear me..
everything around me reminds me of the choices ive made this year..things that ive put myself at risk in..choices ive made that will cost me big time in my dancing and passions. and then im reminded again the night when rochelle prayed and prophocied over me that this year is gonna be a year that im gonna refined my talents..and refine my skills..but i dont even feel like any of my dancing, or painting or dsign is going upshill..infact..2 of them are going downhill big time..oh cherish..
there was one time..at primal..dean rush spoke..and he was talking abt asking God for that gifts and talents that He has planned to give you..and you shall run with it into your dreams that you've dreamnt..okay i really dont know what im talking about..maybe some day i will..
i hate being judged because im young..or that i either have not much experience or no experience..its like.."what about the heart?" does that not matter? or do lil perfections and straight lines come first?RAH! I wanna run my own company.hrmph.
at this present moment..i wanna lock myself up in a nice warm room and paint all night.
write rhymes and raps that fuses into the atmosphere,
where people cant hear ,
but they point to their hearts and say
"I know , it all comes from here "
i need more lovin!
4:11 AM
Sunday, May 28, 2006
have you ever been a situation..where you're passionate about something...but then..over time and situations..u cant go back to it just because?lol..funny ay..i wonder its more hurting or something else? dumb ay..but oh welll....man..this year is suppose to be a year of refining my skills ...but ive havent been doing anything..maybe partly is because some stuff im quite restricted to do...fun times ay.FASHION SHOW AND PERFORMANCE IN 2 WEEKSS!!
im really excited about primal..i really am. man it was weird having to go up to Ants and talk to him about the vision i had..bcause i originally got to know him as my classmate...and its been like that for more then a year..and now..i go to primal..its sucha funny feeling but yet exciting..HEHE..getting hair done in abt an hr!!whoopeedoo...
i need more lovin!
2:01 PM
Monday, May 22, 2006
was just at nick's movie premiere..AMAZING AMAZING MOVIE NICK!!!man..im so impressed and inspired and overwhelmed.what can i say..its phenomenal and man u are amazing!
hehe..you know when ppl give you the look? THE LOOK..and like u dont know what it means..its sooo funny ..cant explain it..but lol..HAHA.maybe its just me. but oh well!=)
fun times!
i need more lovin!
4:14 AM
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
i am sooo sleepy right now...just finished designing for Source..sleep!!!!!
i remember when my phone alarm rang this morning ..my first thought was like "is it 8 already?!?!?!" ..hahahahah..tireddd...
i think things are getting better..at least i feel abit better not doing things i wanna do..and prolly painting yesterday was theraputic..and laura had exciting news..and jeremy was cracking me up..aww i love church.
mom was giving me the "what are u doing next year " talk yesterday in the car...and uni being a posssibility and all that..
my thoughts were ..Not going to uni..at least not just yet..i dont wanna leave for another city..like..i just cant...im getting hooked on the love of God for kids..kids camp..detour..just whatever..when u hear things tha happen to these kids and the things they do just because they feel unwanted..it just stabs u hard..so hard that instead of crying..makes u just wanna help them .help them lift their heads up high..and guide them to the dreams and visions that may have thrown away because of dissapointment..
very so often..youth workers are afraid to see the kids visit their parents who are living somewhere else...because..the kid might just crumble and fall..but then again..its like..and the kid has to deal with it and all we can do is embrace them with a huge hug to ensure them that everythings gonna be alright despite all the feelings that surfaced during the period of time..
to actually think kids these days have to go through things like that..
rahhh...okay.back to what i was doing.gdbye.
i need more lovin!
3:50 PM
Friday, April 28, 2006
its been like a crazy i dont know how many weeks...struggling with living the dream that ive always dreamt..or maybe drifting away ..or even maybe eim not even propeled to it...
you know sometimes how..u always feel like theres something not right but you dont know what it is..but then u sorta know..but u cant make it happen...but u just stand or sit aside and let it go. funny...i question myself sometimes...do i really need to dance? do i really need to paint and draw and design? or do i just want to do it because thats what ive always dreamt about?
I would alwaes compare what i do..to what i do at kids camp ..or detour..or You..like..but sometimes..we just go hard on ourselves ay? funny.
Im getting familiar with primal more now..like i dont fear as much as i used to..like now theres a sense of purpose..or something..i dont know..
thank you for the promises you made
for the gift of life you gave
Always I will sing of your grace
Thank you for the chance to live again
ah..im just like in my own realm sometimes...and i just bought the photo that i fell in love with and vargo's exhibition last year at like 1 am this morning..i love i love.
AH..i dont make any sense..shivers.i should get back to work.
i need more lovin!
8:31 PM
Saturday, April 08, 2006
okay yes.update.
alot has happened since i last updated ..which was onn the day of City Jam 06 sponsored by euphoria..i love that event.Love it!
but yeah..im quite mellow now..not like all hyped or anything..i think its because of all the things that has gone thru my head..and everything that has happened in the past weeks..and all the things that Godd has been talking to me about. its quite exciting at the same time im so very reluctant tho i still do it cause if its the will of God , then why not?but my heart is still in training to be flexible whenever God has something else planned for me rather then what i wanna do..and i know sometimes it will cost me the biggest things i wanna do which already has happened..but then..i have to not think about my own dreams , but the dreams of another that God has been talking and placing in my heart. But then i remember someone once said to me , to have ur own dreams come to fulfilment , you would have to support and serve the dreams of others , then will your own dreams come to past/pass..
its so funny how things work like this..but then it teaches you so much more then you would ever realise..especially if its sooo totally out of your comfort zone and has costed you one of the biggest desires of your heart...
never would i have thought , to support and serve someone else's dreams and visions..like especially when i dont know the person well..because we've only met a couple of times...and we dont talk often..and its something that God has said to me...itss so difficult ..cause you sacrifice so much..at the same time listen to all these things thats gonna happen and you just wish that God was talking about your own youth group that you attend..it really sucks..then again , it might be the beginning of a big dream that someone has that you dont even know...
okay..i need to go now..i'll write more another day...
i need more lovin!
8:39 PM
Thursday, March 02, 2006
yeah..i havent updated in awhilee...but first!
HAPPY 21st TO THE GORGEOUS TIFFANYY!!!LOVVE YA
yeah..okay..im really tired..been dancing for 4 days in a row..andd today'ss the 5th day...im excited for the evvent..but the weathers kinda not very nice and the winds are hilarious...like..its sooo strong..and just blows u backwards...so...im suppose to go see Laura in abt 40 mins so that we can get ourselves to the skatepark for rehersal...and i need to get the salt dance music..hopefully i can get it..if not..sorry dave...i am serously like sleepy as ay...okay..im missing graduation tonite to dance at the skatepark...and guesssss whattt!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....
remember...COMMON GROUND...New Zealand's best bboy crew or something...hahahahahahaha...
I got asked to be down with them!!!
okay..start to be jealous right now...LOL
hard work tho..hard work..well..thats the way to go ay?
finished this flippin abuse brief...im glad im done with it...oaky..i gtg..catcha later!
i need more lovin!
6:16 PM
